| news |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|04:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Staind- right here | ] |
haven't updated in a while. a lot of shitty things have been happening and some good things as well. i've gone surfing with my brother two days this week and its been fun. i wish i could be a pro surfer and i would be happy doing that for the rest of my life. Shady people, that pisses me off so fucking much. They don't call you at all and thats wicked shitty. I will be joining the marines and i hope to get stationed anywhere in california cuz i hear california is a wicked cool place. I hate working at filene's for the only reason that i am on an on-call program which sucks a lot but now when i go to work i am not even going to bother shaving fuck it. they lied to me when i had my interview about being hired as full time and that pissed me off a lot. well i'll probably end up setting filene's or something big on fire before i leave sept 12th for the marines. my dad got back from peru last saturday and since then my summer hasn't been going good and it has just been going extremely fucking boring. today my stepmom and stepsis are coming home from peru, great just wat i needed. well i hope everyone is having a better summer than me doing something productive in a way or just enjoying life. No more partying for me, just working whenever filene's fucking needs me. I might buy tickets to 311 and hope to see who would wanna go with me. warped tour i prob won't be going since the fact that my shitty car in which i've wasted about $1000 on getting it fixed within a 2 month still has problems just my luck. i fucking wanna set it on fire and make it die and then i won't have no car and life will be great. sorry if i am sounding annoying but i've just been going through a shitty phase this whole month. something always has to go wrong and piss me off and put in a bad state of mind. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|07:18 pm] |
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sometimes i wish i could win a million dollars so i could leave my house, buy a better and newer car,get an apartment, and just live my life the way i want to. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
"Rain"
Its pouring outside this afternoon,
And all I am wishing is for you.
To witness your lips encounter mine,
On this rainy day that has occurred.
We are now at a beach with its sunny sky,
Our hands are held together representing trust.
Whenever I gaze or stare at your eyes,
I get lost and lose my mind completely.
I don’t know yet what it is about you,
That drives me crazy everyday I see your presence.
You make me smile without even trying,
Its nothing like I’ve felt before in my life.
I just ask myself if I am worth your time,
Because if not I’ve wasted every second on you.
When I first met you on Wednesday,
I felt the butterflies in my stomach.
It was such a strange feeling to me,
Cause I’ve never felt that way with another person.
Would you take my hand at this moment,
And tell me how long will you be around for?
If you tell me for 6 months you’ll be with me,
I’ll try to cherish every moment together.
If you tell me for one year you’ll be with me,
I’ll make everyday something to remember.
If you tell me for a lifetime you’ll be with me,
I’ll do everything to make you and I happy forever.
Everyday I’ll show you how much I love having you by my side,
We will make everything workout for us for the life we got left.
If someday you must part away from my life,
I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
If you were to die tomorrow from unexpected death,
My heart will be hurting, I’ll feel like I am dying and I would die crying. |
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| jack you are the man |
[May. 1st, 2005|04:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | undescribeable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jack johnson- better together | ] |
i miss someone to kiss. someone to cuddle with and watch movies. someone who i could hug and show my affection towards. is it even worth it now?i mean in life you wait for many things some more than others and some that are important than small things to come. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|09:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a bunch of shit | ] |
"Princess"
Everytime i am around you,
i can't stop smiling.
You make me feel so happy inside,
and i just won't let it go.
Sometimes i see you in my dream,
and we are in the beach surfing.
You got me hypnotized,
and i am under your control.
I love it when i look into your eyes,
as you look back on mine.
I feel like there was a connection,
that can never be broken.
Your beauty is amazing,
like a Monet painting.
Why can't i say the words i want,
to you my darling princess?
I need you by my side,
nowhere else but there.
You would make me so happy,
and i would spend my lifetime with you.
Something tells me i should forget we met,
and that i fell for you so easily.
Why does my heart say to forget you,
but my mind says to hold on to you? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2005|09:55 pm] |
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happy 420 everybody!!!! i hope you all had a great day today. |
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| TBS/JEW Concert |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|05:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jack johnson | ] |
Haven't updated in ages. Well yesterday i had the fucking most amazing night ever out of this whole week. I went to the TBS/JEW concert with eric, b0y, brian,and amy. We had a blast and it seemed that whereever we went there would always be something funny to say about something or someone. Well me and amy rushed through the barriers and got to the floor seats as we rapidly beaten the shit out of anyone in our way and got to second row from the stage. Man that was amazing and good times. b0y with his hood on, now that was hilarious, as well as me and b0y throwing munchkins at cars in providence. We went to staples, taco bell, 7-11, sunoco and last but not least Walmart. Gotta love shopping at walmart at midnight thoguh we could have been there a little later if possible. So how about that girl that was in front of me and dancing just for me and on my crotch area. Well all i gotta say is that watever happens in providence stays in providence motherfucker. My chores in the morning were nothing but just a pain in my ass but thank god for the concert. We saw greg and matt at the concert. I must say DAMN there were so many hott girls at the show. Me and b0y looked at each other when two hott hollister girls sat in front of us and i said to him what are odds i mena seriously. I saw a cross dressser and man was i more scared than ever. He smiled at me and i was just shocked and going crazy. |
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| in this diary |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|08:13 pm] |
He has this feeling about her,
of how she may be the one.
Whenever she is nearby,
the joy is inside of him.
Knowing now that she has someone,
feeling a lit bit of heartache.
Let the black roses wither away,
because reality must be accepted. |
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| the cows |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|06:25 pm] |
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i don't know what it is about you but you got me hypnotized. I'll leave it alone since there is no chance for me. |
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| wat a poker night |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|11:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | i could kill you | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the song that talks about how | ] |
well haven't updated in a while. Then again i keep everything to myself just cuz really who needs to fuckin know about my whole life. I mean i do have a bestfriend who should know a lot about me, but he doesn't cuz we lose touch a lot of times. Like when i first moved to taunton, i was fine and just happy i mean new school and better education opportunity.Though i missed curacao and the friends who i use to go to school with over there. I never hung out with anyone out of my 6th grade to 8th grade years. Idk y that is and in high school i have a couple of times. I wish i was more outgoing and i had something worth living for then the bullshit excuse that anyone would tell me YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Honestly, i feel like i have no friends and all they do is care about themselves. So called friends of mine don't even call me or if they do its like after a year i haven't hung out with them. Its so awesome and i love it.Lately i've been having dreams and thought of suicide and its driving me insane. Like i ask myself should i do it or should i not. I don't know what i need, i mean i go to talk to my counselor once a week, but i think it doesn't really help. I guess i am a little bit calmed down then before around my parents. I'm pessimistic and optimistic and so who isn't. When i should be happy, i am for short time and then just wanna leave this world. i dont know what else i have left to say. if i have a pissed off look on my face i am probably tired or wicked out of it. When i am pissed i will act like an asshole and you will know it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|12:31 am] |
"Graduation"
We must appreciate every hour and second of life,
cause tomorrow might be your day to say goodbye.
Spend and cherish any moment possible,
with those you love and care for.
If you can change someone's frown to a smile,
you know you have done something well.
Don't let go the one you love,
because you'll regret it later on.
Every chance and opportunity that comes by,
make sure you take it and not lose it.
Let's not forget to pray for those that are out there,
fighting for reasons we don't know of exactly.
Give a friendly hug to someone,
that's been meaningful to you.
Make more memories before the sun sets,
cause time is flying like the speed of light.
Once you have lost something,
it slowly hits you hard inside.
Live life to the fullest,
cause you only live once.
Its a week before we leave this place,
that we have had so many good memories.
We will cry or express sadness,
once its time to say goodbye.
Leave our good friends to go get an education,
as we learn to let go as hard as it is.
Just grab on to me once more,
i'm not ready to separate from everyone.
Too many thoughts are going through your head,
losing sight of what you got ahead of you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|12:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | coulnd't tell ya | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the game- hate it or love it | ] |
"What I Failed To Learn"
This year has quiet been a shocking surprise,
filled with difficult twists and turns.
I lost something that's a part of me,
when i thought i could perish from here.
What a mistake i had quickly made,
i was just a coward after all.
Didn't want to learn from my error,
everything just looked in flames to me.
I saw no path or direction,
that would have made me see it.
I have been reborn again,
with a new soul and spirit.
Take this gun with the 6 bullets in it,
and make sure that i don't grab it.
Only if you knew what i would do,
if another chance was given to me.
The new soul is still in pain from before,
as the spirit is full of hate.
Someday you will understand all i've kept inside,
when i can finally ask you about the truth.
Is it true that you cheated on my mom?
How about the truth of the reason for the divorce?
Will she ever be cured or should i keep on suffering?
I love you so much like i've never loved before,
though i keep on forgetting that i can't reach your hand.
We must all learn from every mistake we made,
cause thats how we understand the aspect of life.
We are just now accepting what comes to us,
and how we have to deal with it in our hands. |
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| Happy V-Day |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|05:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | third eye blind- blinded | ] |
Today i gave three friends of mine each a rose. These amazing amd wonderful ladies would be Sara,Kelsey and Hannah. I am glad i made their day and they prob thought that they woulnd't get a rose. Thanks for the love girls. I am pleased to know that i made them smile and filled with joy. love ya all. |
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| the day of lovers |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|11:01 pm] |
who's day should i make on monday? ummmmm. thinking.... |
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| *sighs* |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|03:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | boy meets world music | ] |
Someday I’ll have you, be able to look in your eyes, and kiss you passionately. Just have my heart be unlocked and just be yours to care for.Someday just someday i'll be able to tell you how much i love you. *sighs* never. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|10:55 pm] |
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i don't why i think things will happen or make believe what i have been waiting for has finally come. i probably make no sense and you are thinking wtf is he talking about. it seems like he is mumbling about nothing. I feel like i have been nothing grateful to anyone. like when i try to do my best i fail and sometimes i feel like i don't help others but others help them. Idk why i bother helping people out when others do a much better job and deserved to be thanked for doing that. i think i need to go away somewhere. i hate being in my house and thats where i am usually. you just gotta love arguments, parents controlling your life and your every move. i am 19 and not even on my bday i coulnd't go out with my friends and play some poker. sometimes i feekl like walking around my house and going to my parents room and be like goodbye i;ve had it as i hold a gun in my hand and aim for my head and just shoot myself and have them witness my death. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|03:35 pm] |
(1) Your gender: male
(2) Straight/gay/bi? straight
(3) Single? have been for 1 year and 2 months
(4) Want to be? sometimes idk anymore
(5) Your birth day? Jan 8
(6) Age you wish you were? 21
(7) Your height? 5'5
(9) The color of your eyes? Brown
(10) The color of your hair? Black
(11) Piercings? none
(12) Tattoos? maybe in the future
DO YOU...
(13) Smoke? no
(14) Do drugs? drink once in a while if you consider that a drug
(15) Read the newspaper? No
(16) Pray? no
(17) Talk to strangers who IM you? Yes
(18) Take walks in the rain? dont remember the last time i did
(19) Drive? yes or lets say i dont anymore cuz of my situation
(20) Like to drive fast? hell yea
HAVE YOU EVER...
(21) Hurt yourself? oh yea big time
(22) Been out of the country? Yes.
(23) Been in love? sometimes i wanna say fuck love
(24) Done drugs? yes
(25) Gone skinny dipping? no
(26) Had a surgery? yes when i was young
(27) Ran away from home? been wanted too so many time but something came over me
(28) Played strip poker? have always wanted to
(29) Gotten beaten up? who hasn't
(30) Been picked on? Yes
(31) Been on stage? Yes
(32) Slept outdoors? Yes
(33) Thought about suicide? many times
(34) Pulled an all-nighter? Yes writing short stories and listening to music
(35) If yes, what is your record? 1 or 2 days
(36) Talked on the phone all night? nope
(37) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? Yes.
(38) Slept all day? no
(39) Killed someone? no
(40) Made out with a stranger? No
(41) Had sex with a stranger? No
(42) Kissed the same sex? no
(43) Done anything sexual with the same sex? No
(44) Been betrayed? a couple of times
(45) Broken the law? Yes
(46) Met a famous person? yes
(47) Been on radio/TV.? no
(48) Been in a mosh-pit? so much fun
(49) Had a nervous breakdown? Yes
(50) Been criticized about your sexual performance? No
(51) Had a dream that kept coming back? Yes
(52) Shoe brand? Ughs, Skethcer Boots, adidas
(53) What are you normally wearing to school/work? nice shirt, with blue jeans, and vans/adidas shoes
(54) Wear hats? Yes
(55) Judge other people by their clothing? who doesn't
(56) Wear make-up? no
(57) Favorite place to shop? got a couple
(58) Favorite article of clothing? hoodie
(59) Are you trendy? nope
BELIEFS
(60) Believe in life on other planets? yes
(61) Miracles? Yes
(62) Astrology? Yes
(63) Magic? no
(64) God? no
(65) Satan? no
(66) Santa? no
(67) Ghosts? No
(68) Luck? yes
(69) Love at first sight? No
(70) Yin and Yang? no
(71) Witches? no
(72) Easter bunny? no
(73) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? no
(74) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? no
(75) Do you wish on stars? Yes
LOVE, and all that
(76) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? No
(77) Do you remember your first love? Yes
(78) Still love him/her? Um. Not in that way. Love but not In love rot.
(79) Do you consider love a mistake? No
(80) What do you find romantic? watching sunsets, kisses, cuddling
(81) Turn-on? kissing
(82) Turn-off? liars
(83) Do you base your judgement on looks alone? No
(84) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? whatever suits you
(85) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattracted? yes
(86) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? No
(87) What is best about the opposite sex? they know how to get a guy's attention
(88) What's the last present someone gave you? a snack i love
(89) Are you in love? No
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(90) That you laughed at? justin
(91) That laughed at you? dylan
(92) That turned you on? i forget
(93) You went shopping with? noone
(94) To disappoint you? to many to say
(95) To ask you out? monica
(96) To make you cry? idk
(97) To brighten up your day? noone
(98) That you thought about? idk
(99) You saw a movie with? mike
(100) You talked to on the phone? jay
(101) You talked to through IM? rathy
(102) You saw? nate
(103) You turned down? can't say it that i have since i am not attractive.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(104) Smiled? 2 or 3 days ago
(105) Laughed? today in photography
(106) Cried? a week ago
(107) Bought something? yesterday
(108) Danced? long time
(109) Were sarcastic? all the time no matter what
(110) hugged someone? Today
(111) Talked to an ex? a while
(112) Watched your fave movie?today
(113) Talked on the phone? 2 days ago
(114) Listened to the radio? yesterday
(115) Watched TV? last night
(116) Went out? like two weeks ago or more
(117) Helped someone? today my buddy aaron
(118) Sang? today in the morning to the ataris
(119) Said "I love you"? Today to my friend sara
(120) Got drunk? jersey roadtrip
(121) Had sex? i am a virgin |
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| mula |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|09:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | puzzled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | from first to last | ] |
well lately i've been trying to get back on my feet and now that after a long discussion of things i've gone through and done, i am able to work but its going to be shitty. I can only work friday saturday and sunday. Is anyone interested in buying any of my photos? i'll give you a deal cuz i was going to sell it for 30 bucks a picture with a frame. Instead i am willing to sell picture+ frame= $10. Does anyone know if i can sell my pictures to any businesses here in Taunton? if someone can get back to me on that asap that would be awesome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2005|11:23 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Thursday- Standing On The Edge Of The Summer | ] |
Take the quiz: "Which Boy Meets World Character are You?"
Cory
Coolie you're Cory Matthews, Sweet but can be a bit pushy, Sensitive, Good head on your shoulders, parents completely trust you with their son/daughter, that can be a good thing or a bad thing depends upon how you look at it. You are a good person. |
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| my bday |
[Jan. 8th, 2005|09:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | linkin park- faint | ] |
today is my bday and so far when i woke up this morning, i felt inner peace around me and it was a pleasant morning. no yelling, arguments, or any sort of thing with my dad. I am still shocked. I think i am going to wath my two new bob marley dvds that i got from my dad. Somehow i still feel confused and puzzled about the way my dad has been acting towards me. a poem i just wrote this morning.
at a highest point in our lives,
we all fall in love with someone.
whether the person you want and have feelings for,
either loves you or doesn't feel the same way about you.
do you wait till you find the real answer?
do you wait till your recognized?
many questions come to our mind,
in which we are not sure to ask ourselves.
tell me something worth listening to,
that will change my mind about the phase of love.
it seems like its just a foolish game,
as you see people getting hurt and cheated on.
you ask yourself is there anything i can do for someone,
as if you were that one person that could make them happy.
you stare at each other's eyes,
and love can be sensed through that.
take thy hand that has been offered,
a chance has been given to you.
my mind is telling me to let everything go,
but my black heart is saying don't let it go.
you may never know when this time will come back again,
because death arrives upon us on the unexpected day.
some of us may feel puzzled about such a decision,
though one will eventually make the right one.
let the car crash with the person to the right,
who has lost his phase of love.
Ayden was never the right person for you,
he was just an illusion that you saw.
had all the perfect things you wished,
now this chance has withered away.
One day you will realize how close you were,
from having the true and love of your life. |
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